You know you’re pregnant when…

This is no no way me complaining about being pregnant. I’m extremely lucky to not have raging sickness and to have not peed in my pants at any point yet. This is merely a collection of things I’ve observed in the past few weeks. According to  the pregnancy app ‘Nurture’ I’m only at 10 weeks and 5 days so I’m sure there will be another edition of this in the coming weeks as things get more hillarious.

Enjoy as much a I’m enjoying this pregnancy so far!

You know you’re pregnant when…

  • You drink no water after 8pm so that you won’t wake up to pee 50 times but you still wake up 20 times before 2am and spend hours wondering if you should die of thirst or just drink the water
  • You’re exhausted all day and fall asleep for a few minutes EVERYWHERE
  • You take a nap before bedtime
  • You wake up at 2am still wearing your daytime clothes, change into your PJ’s but can’t get back to sleep so you watch something on the internet or read a book until 5am and take another nap for 2 hours
  • You aren’t showing yet but your pants are too tight and you can’t figure out where the extra filling is coming from
  • You get a really bad stomach ache and think you’re about to die but then you fart and life is good again
  • You continue to fart every 3 minutes for about one hour and life isn’t so good again
  • Even half a poo is the greatest achievement you’ve made all day
  • A full poo is the best thing that’s happened to you all year
  • You shave your bits so you can have sex because you feel a bit sexy today but you fall asleep before your fiancee comes to bed
  • The skin on your body feels super soft and lovely but the skin on your face is really shiny and melting so you wish you could walk about naked with a bag on you head so that people can see the real glow-y you
  • Your boobs hurt so much that the only way to keep them comfortable is to lay on your back with nothing on the top half, not even a fan because even though you’re too hot, the fan is too cold on your nips
  • Your back hurts if you lay on it for too long so you lay on your side which feels GLORIOUS, until your boobs hurt again and you want to cry
  • You want to cuddle your fiancee during the night but he’s too hot and you rolling around for hours to get comfortable might wake him up
  • You hold your fiancees hand instead of cuddling him because you want to be cute but you almost take his arm off every time you get up to pee – 50 million times
  • You’re awake at 3:30am writing this blog because your books aren’t floating your boat, there’s nothing you want to watch and you caved and drank a lot of water so you know you’ll have to get up again to pee soon
  • You eat cream crackers during the night because you’re hungry but you don’t want to cook anything and fruit at night gives you acid reflux
  • You get crumbs all over the bed from the cream crackers so you tell yourself you don’t care but when you can’t get comfortable because of all the spikey crumbs, you want to cry
  • You can’t blog laying down but you don’t want to sit up anymore because you only have one pillow and your back feels like it’s about to break
  • You wake up wanting to eat nothing but lettuce and apples one day, fries and bread the next
  • You buy lettuce and apples but the sight of them makes you feel sick
  • You want to be healthy but if it isn’t a vegan burger, you don’t want to know
  • You want to eat EVERYTHING so you buy everything but them there’s nothing that you want to eat
  • You eat all the chocolate and forget it was you, silently blame your partner but luckily remember chunky ate it all and you shouldn’t file for a premature divorce and all before he even gets home from work
  • You have a mad wedgie but you know it’s only going to get way worse as you get bigger so you just leave it so you’re used to it when you’re too big and/or lazy to remove it later in the pregnancy
  • You sing Disney songs to your belly because you loved them but you change the words so if it’s a girl she knows she’s a strong and independent female. (The Little Mermaid – Part of your world got a little tricky because she is of course, free to be a part of the ocean world if she would like. Both parents will be…)
  • You want to shower but you don’t want to stand up for that long because you’re exhausted from breathing
  • You get scared when the power goes out during a tropical storm but then you remember that you’re not alone anymore so you stop being a baby and continue cooking in the dark with your torch and talk to the baby
  • You talk to the baby a lot and hope they can hear you so you aren’t in fact, bat shit crazy

That’s all I have for now but feel free to send any more through so that I don’t feel like a giant loser for even listing these things 😉

I have an appointment with the vagine Dr this week (I don’t know if he’s an OB/GYN or what do I’ll just call him the V/Dr for now) and they’ll be doing a scan so I’ll be sure to update you on that and probably share a picture now that the peanut definitely has a head!

Have a wonderfully loose and causal
Hoops x

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